I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
