im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
