3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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