At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
