Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sext me about skeletons
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
