I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
