you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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