I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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