I got chris browned last night
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
