My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
