Cold hands, warm shart.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
