There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im holly from the hills drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
