ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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