I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
