Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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