The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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