I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
