first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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