i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is the high leading the old right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
