Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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