As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
