the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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