you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
