can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
