3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
