my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
