First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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