Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
