I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
time to smoke my breakfast
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
