I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
