just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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