New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
