i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
