Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
