i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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