wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
