70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
