I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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