Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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