i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
