....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
