you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
