I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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