i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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