why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I CAN MOONWALK!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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