you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
In America we eat man semen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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