I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
