so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
