yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
