She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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