he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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