I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm too high and old for this...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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