Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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