Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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