she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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